Etty Hillesum: life, quotes and prayers

"I'm also thinking of Etty Hillesum, a young Dutch woman of Jewish origin who died in Auschwitz. Initially far from God, she discovered him by looking deeply inside herself..." declared Benedict XVI, in 2013.

Esther Hillesum (nicknamed Etty) was a young Dutch woman deported to Auschwitz. Originally of the Jewish faith, Etty was non-practicing. It was in the chaos of the 20th century thatshe encountered God. A depressed and tormented young woman, she found peace. With her unshakeable faith, despite the horror of the Shoah, her total trust in God and her constant prayer, Etty Hillesum is a true example to follow .

Etty Hillesum biography

Etty Hillesum was born on January 15, 1914 in Middelburg, the Netherlands. The eldest of three children, she grew up in a highly educated , bourgeois family. After graduating in literature, she moved to Amsterdam to  study law and Slavic languages. She obtained a Master's degree in law and earned her living teaching Russian. She frequented Zionist, anti-fascist and intellectual circles. She was a free-spirited, passionate and daring woman, but deeply unhappy, lacking self-confidence and suffering regular  bouts of depression. On February 3, 1941, she met Julius Spier and began therapy with him. She would later call him "the midwife of my soul". He was her spiritual master. On his recommendation, Etty began writing her diary on March 9, 1941, in which she poured her heart out. Found despite her deportation, this precious work was partially published in 1981. In it, she recounts both her inner, psychological and spiritual journeys, and the situation in which her country found itself, invaded since May 10, 1940. 

Julius Spier had helped Etty Hillesum to read the Bible , the Gospels , St. Paul and St. Augustine . It was through him that she began her encounter with God. 

In July 1942, Etty volunteered to work in "social assistance for people in transit" in the Westerbork camp. There she met Saint Thérèse-Bénédicte de la Croix . She continued to write in her diary and wrote letters during this period. These are precious testimonies. She also recounts how she prayed a lot, more and more, and how she came closer to Christianity. At the camp, she was in charge of registering the names of deportees. She saw monks and nuns of Jewish origin who had been arrested in retaliation for the anti-Nazi attitude of the Dutch bishops. She saw them praying the rosary tirelessly. It was from this moment on that she entered into a kind of continuous prayer, understanding that one can pray just as well in a church as in a wooden barrack. 

When Julius Spier died on September 15, 1942, she wrote : "You taught me to speak God's name without shame. You mediated between God and me... And I myself will mediate for all those I can reach. ". This is how she lived at Westerbork, full of care, gentleness and love for those around her. 

Deported with her parents and one of her brothers on September 7, 1943, Etty died in Auschwitz on November 30 of the same year. Etty Hillesum, a fragile young woman, joined the Lord, transfigured by faith. 

5 beautiful quotations from Etty Hillesum

"And since, now free, I no longer wish to possess anything, henceforth everything belongs to me and my inner wealth is immense. "

"I find life beautiful and I feel free. The heavens unfold within me, as vast as the firmament above me. "

"Even if we're left with only a cramped alley to survey, above it there will always be the whole sky. "

"There's a deep well inside me. And in that well is God. Sometimes I manage to reach him. But more often, stones and rubble block the well, and God is buried. So it has to be brought up to date.

There are people, I suppose, who pray with their eyes raised to heaven. They look for God outside themselves. There are others who bend their head and hide it in their hands, I think these are looking for God within themselves. "

"I live constantly in intimacy with God. "

Etty Hillesum's wonderful prayers

Etty Hillesum's prayer to fulfill the Lord's will

" I kneel once more on the rough sisal carpet, my face in my hands, and ask: "O Lord, make me dissolve into one great indivisible feeling. Make me perform the thousand small daily tasks with love, but make the smallest act spring forth: from a great central focus of availability and love. Then it won't matter what you do or where you are. But I'm not there yet, not by a long shot. So be it." 

Etty Hillesum's prayer, written in 1943, in the Westerbork camp

"It' s sometimes hard to conceive and admit, my God, all that Your earthly creatures are inflicting on each other in these unchained times. But I don't shut myself up in my room, my God, I continue to look everything in the face, I don't run away from anything, I try to understand and dissect the worst exactions, I always try to find the trace of man in his nakedness, his fragility, of this man often untraceable. Buried among the monstrous ruins of his absurd acts... I look deep into Your world, my God, I don't flee from reality to take refuge in beautiful dreams.ves - I mean, there's room for beautiful dreams next to the cruellest reality - and I persist in praising your Creation, my God, in spite of everything!
So be it. "

Continue your prayer to Etty Hillesum through Hozana!

With Etty Hillesum,pray to the Lord every day, and speak to him!