Lk 1:29  

She was deeply disturbed by these words

We all have our image of Mary encountering the angel Gabriel at the moment she was told she would conceive the Son of God miraculously. Many famous paintings depict the subject, but few seem to have Mary looking afraid. In fact, she must have been terrified. ‘Deeply disturbed’ is a strong phrase, and we tend to pass it by. Let us ponder that for a moment.

Sometimes when God enters our lives and asks something of us, it can be disturbing. I remember in my mid-teens my confessor asking me had I ever thought of being a priest. He probably said that to most of the teenage boys who came to him in confession (he was the confessor to the boys’ school I was at). But in my case it hit me like a sledgehammer. I was ‘deeply disturbed. And I remained disturbed, on and off for the next eight years, before I finally decided to join the Augustinians.

Mary took a little less time than I did, but she eventually said ‘yes’. That says something about God: he gives us the freedom to accept or reject his challenging invitations to us. God is so humble that he was prepared to run the risk of Mary saying ‘no’. In theory, at least, that would have scuppered God’s plan of salvation (though God, being God, may well have had Plan B up his sleeve, who knows?). The point is, that God doesn’t twist our arms, though he does challenge us - hence being ‘deeply disturbed’. Not that God sets out to disturb us, but when our innate self-centredness meets Christ, something has to give. We cannot remain the same having encountered him. The solitariness of self-concern comes up against the other-centredness of God in Christ.

Once Mary gave her ‘fiat’, her yes to God, nothing would be the same for her.  Not only did she receive a sword of suffering, but she experienced unimaginable joy as well. This is the promise to all of us. If we say yes to Christ, suffering will inevitably come our way, as it does in fact to everyone anyway, but there will be an even greater joy, a joy that will give meaning to the suffering.

A reflection written by Paul Graham O.S.A., St Joseph's Broomhouse, Edinburgh, Scotland

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