Overcoming Fear and Shame in Confession
Going to confession isn’t always easy. Some people may feel afraid at the thought of going to confession or ashamed to admit their sins. Others wonder what’s the point of going, especially if they feel like they’re always falling back into the same sins: “ What’s the point of going to confession if I keep committing the same sins? ” or “It’s not that serious; I don’t need to go to confession…”
Yet the Sacrament of Reconciliation isn’t meant to crush us, but to lift us up. Let’s discover how to overcome the fear of going to confession.
Why Are We Afraid to Go to Confession?
Fear of confession is common. Here are some of the fears we might feel before going to confession.
The fear of admitting certain sins
Some sins seem particularly hard to admit. We might tell ourselves, “I won’t be able to say that,” or “I’m too ashamed to confess it .”
But in reality, there’s no need to be afraid, since priests are used to “hearing it all” during confessions.
The fear of being judged
Another common fear is the priest’s reaction. Many wonder, “What will he think of me?” or “Will he see me differently after this?” This fear can be even stronger if you go to confession regularly with your parish priest or if you work with him in parish life. This fear is understandable, but it doesn’t reflect the reality of what confession is.
Will the priest be shocked by my sins?
This is a question penitents sometimes ask themselves before going to confession. In reality, it’s important to remember one simple thing: priests have generally heard it all. They are accustomed to hearing confessions and to hearing about human frailties, from the most serious sins to the least serious. They also understand human psychology in all its complexity: wounds, suffering, addictions, people who sometimes struggle with mental health issues, and so on. Consequently, what a penitent tells the priest during the Sacrament of Reconciliation should not “shock” him as one might imagine. Beyond the sins themselves, priests are generally admiring and glad that people find the humility to confess their sins and return to God. Many priests attest to this. The role of priests is therefore not to judge people, much less to condemn them.
Can the priest repeat what I said in confession?
When a penitent goes to confession, the priest is bound by what is known as the seal of confession. This means that he is absolutely forbidden from revealing what he has heard, under any circumstances.
How can I overcome the fear and shame of going to confession?
There may still be apprehension, fear, or shame about going to confession. This is normal, since confession touches on the most intimate aspects of one’s life. However, it is important to remember that confession is a place of mercy, not of judgment. Pope Francis has also reminded us that confession is not a court of condemnation.
It can also be helpful to understand where this fear comes from: the fear of confessing one’s sins, the priest’s gaze, or even discouragement. The devil can discourage us by suggesting, “Why go to confession, since I’m likely to commit the same sins again?” But these thoughts must not prevent us from moving forward.
Here are some practical ways to overcome the fear or shame of going to confession.
- Prepare for confession: Doing a brief examination of conscience before going to confession helps a great deal. It allows you to see things more clearly, to articulate your sins more effectively, and to approach confession with greater peace of mind.
- Be simple and direct: There’s no need to explain everything at length or go into great detail. Simply state your sins with sincerity and humility.
- Remember why you’re going: You don’t go to confession to be humiliated, but to be forgiven. It is an encounter with God’s mercy.
- Think about the peace that follows: While fear may sometimes be present before confession, it pales in comparison to the peace felt afterward, which comes from having been forgiven.
Let’s pray with Hozana!
Hozana offers you numerous prayer communities throughout the year to help you deepen your life of prayer and faith, such as:
