Managing emotions: welcoming and understanding them for a better experience

Whether we're emotionally hypersensitive, familiar with vivid and overflowing emotions, feel uncomfortable with certain feelings, or - sometimes unconsciously - seek to escape or bury emotions perceived as embarrassing or inappropriate, emotions are part of our daily lives. Whether we feel uncomfortable with certain feelings, whether we seek - sometimes unconsciously - to escape or bury emotions perceived as embarrassing or inappropriate, emotions are part of our daily lives. Joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise... it's not 4, 5 or 7 emotions that we experience in our lives, but an infinite range, from the most subtle to the most violent. Beyond cultural, family and societal codes that value or reject certain emotions, every human being - since the dawn of time - must learn to live with his or her emotions. The Book of Psalms in the Bible perfectly illustrates the universality of the movements of the human soul.
But what can we do in practical terms with this sometimes rather heavy heritage? How do I deal with my emotions in the family, as a couple, at work? How can I manage my emotions without letting them overwhelm me, but without repressing them either? Meditation, particularly rooted in Christian anthropology, offers a way of listening to and understanding what affects us, so that we can feel freer and more alive.

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The role and richness of emotions

The etymology and definition of the word emotion remind us that emotions are what set us in motion. They drive us to act, to set off, to flee, to fight, to defend ourselves, to reach out to others ... Of course, we can always find intellectual and rational reasons to act (but then we can just as easily find intellectual and rational reasons not to act); emotions, on the other hand, short-circuit all reasoning. This is their strength... but also what can scare us.

Emotions are also what bind us together. They contribute to our ease in relationships. I may not understand my neighbor's traditions and culture, but his anger, nostalgia, anxiety, joy... I can understand them because my heart knows them. This is why we speak of emotional intelligence.

Christian spirituality invites us to marvel at our emotions. They are part of our inner life. To feel is to be alive! There are no negative or positive emotions: they all have something to tell us, and they all invite us to better understand what's going on inside us. The Gospels tell us how Jesus too was touched, moved and upset by the people he met and by events. God, by embracing our human condition through Jesus, took on all our emotions.

Managing emotions in three stages

The word "manage", although often used when we talk about emotions, is perhaps not the most appropriate. Emotions are not to be managed in the same way as a problem (making it go away or dealing with it quickly). They are not a dysfunction in themselves. On the other hand, when they are repressed or not understood (primarily by ourselves), they can overwhelm us and express themselves in inappropriate, uncontrolled ways. So it's more a question of living them consciously, in order to act with them (and not in spite of them, or against them).

We can do this in three ways:
- feel (the body),
- thinking (the head),
- acting (the heart).

1- Listen and welcome

The first thing is to take the time to welcome the sensations and bodily feelings associated with this emotion.

Whatever emotion we feel, it takes shape within us. Identifying how and where the emotion is lodged in our body helps us to identify it and to step back from it.

What do I feel in my breathing? Is it faster, more jerky, less full?
What do I feel in my stomach? Is my stomach in knots, gurgling, does it feel like going to the bathroom?
Do I feel hot or cold? At what level?
Do I feel muscular tension in my shoulders or jaw? ...

While this may seem a little difficult, the Vittoz exercises for working on body receptivity are a good way of learning to listen to your body better.
It's worth noting that, while all emotional tensions have an effect on the body, the reverse is also true. By acting on our body, we can have an impact on what's agitating us internally. This is why relaxation exercises to relieve muscular tension, or deep breathing exercises, can help us to better manage strong emotions.

2- Understand, identify, discern

Once the emotion has been welcomed into the body, it's time to question it.

Where does it come from?
What triggered it?
What is it trying to tell me?
Is it an emotion I experience frequently or not?

An emotion is never gratuitous; it always has something to teach us. It appeals to our archaic brain. Anger tells us that we feel our territory has not been respected. Sadness invites us to let something go. Fear encourages us to be cautious or to flee.

Not acting on impulse, but taking the time to reason, enables us to discern :

whether the emotion is proportional and directly linked to the event that triggered it; or whether it may be exacerbated by an intimate wound. In this case, it's a good idea to put the external event in its proper proportion, so as not to risk over-reacting.
if what it's pushing me to do (cancel an appointment, yell at the person in front of me, pour myself another glass of alcohol...) is the right thing to do.

3- Act with awareness

Once the emotion has been identified and questioned, we can then act consciously. It's not the emotion that controls us and our reaction, it's we who are in control.

I can then consciously decide to act, but deciding how, when... (for example: if I've identified sadness in myself, I can decide to take the time to say good-bye to someone or something by defining when and how I want to do it, rather than repressing my grief and carrying it around with me all the time)
... or not to act (like, during an argument, deciding to remain silent, for example, when I feel I have nothing to gain from arguing, or deciding not to run away from a situation I'm anxious about, but to prepare myself for it).

A conscious act takes on meaning, engages our will and puts us in control of the situation. It's not necessarily possible to act right away; the act can simply be defined, chosen and carried out at a later date (find out why it's important to detach yourself from your emotions).

Tools and advice for coping with emotions

Mind-body methods

The practice of meditation is often cited as a tool for managing emotions, because it allows us to be more present with ourselves. This is particularly true of mindfulness meditation. The Vittoz mind-body method is particularly well-suited to work on better emotional management, as Dr. Vittoz's work is geared towards better brain control and thus a more conscious life.

Prayer and Christian meditation

Christian meditation, while also enabling us to take a step back and become more aware, will enable emotions to set us in motion spiritually. Mind-body unity is at the heart of the Christian religion, a religion of incarnation. Whether through prayer, reading the psalms, meditating on a verse or a biblical passage, God welcomes our emotions and knows how to soothe them.

Discover guided meditations :
- to better manage your emotions at work,
- managing stress and anxiety
- dealing with sadness
- managing anger
- to cope with bad news
- to help children manage their emotions

Experience your emotions more serenely

Every day, pray and meditate the daily Gospel through commentaries from great spiritual leaders.